Grace Based Parenting

I have started reading this book and I absolutely love it. It has some great concepts in it and it has made me aware of some of the tendencies I have and will probably always battle as I try to parent Blake. This book talks about how we should parent as God would. God shows us grace every single day. However, just because He shows us grace doesn't mean that He doesn't discipline us. In fact, He makes sure that we have consequences to our sin so that we try not to sin. Grace does cost, though. As parents, Dr. Kimmel talks about how it costs us our time, money, dreams, etc. It can cost us a lot. However, we gain a lot.

Dr. Kimmel also writes about how we shouldn't complain about having to take care of our children. Instead of having the attitude of "I have to" buy clothes for my son, or "I have to" wash the clothes, it should be "I get to." He points out that our children hear that and the negativity it implies. He also talks about those that have teens and when you blame it on "just a teenager thing" and roll your eyes; they get it. They understand that they are a burden or that they aren't being taken seriously. Each child is unique and those differences should be celebrated, not made into a burden.

I'll end the post with three excerpts from the later chapters in the book.

"You run a risk any time you talk about sin and grace in the same sentence. People assume you're trying to set up a nice little theological system that allows you to do whatever you want. That's not what the Bible says grace is. Grace can be used in a specific sense, which is a gift of forgiveness that you don't deserve. Grace can also be used in a general sense, which is as the freedom and latitude that God allows you as you develop a more intimate relationship with Him. I'm talking about a lifestyle and a set of choices that are the outgrowth of your walk with Him."

"If you manipulate the situation to get your kids off the hook for some sin that they committed or you minimize the punishment to something far less than they deserve, you only set up your children to do things that are much worse. Believe me, if you've ever been around a juvenile detention center, this is a recurring theme. (I can vouch for this. One of my kids kept stealing big screen televisions from houses because his mom never made him take them back.) Mom or Dad kept pulling strings, buying them out of trouble, or simply allowing them to get away with it. The next time, they tried something far worse. Providing consequences for sin IS a loving form of grace. It says, 'I love you too much to let you continue in this pattern and grow up to be bad.' Meting out fair and consistent consequences for their negative actions tells children there is a mature and decent parent overseeing their lives. Letting them get away with sin says just the opposite. It tells them they have an immature parent who is more concerned about their comfort than with their children's dignity. Children like to know they have paid their debt in full so they can move on with their lives."

"Grace provides equilibrium for a family. Where too many parents are concerned with how others view their children, grace-based parents are more excited with how God views their children. Grace-based parents avoid the silly preoccupations with arbitrary standards devised by evangelical busybodies. They keep their eye on the bubble in the level, which is their children's character. To them, keeping their children balanced when it comes to their faith, integrity, poise, discipline, endurance, and courage makes more sense than worrying about whether others think their children LOOK spiritual enough (whatever that means). They don't make it a crime for their children to be different, to be oddballs, or to boogie to a different drumbeat. In the process, they encourage their children to find the unique individual that God designed them to be through an intimate and authentic relationship with Christ."