A year ago today...

What was I doing a year ago today? Saying goodbye to one of my best friends and a wonderful cousin. Shannon was only 17, but in those 17 years she taught me more about myself, compassion, and a love for life that only she could have taught. She taught me to see special needs children as real people, to not be afraid of medical equipment, to overcome any obstacle, and to strive to help as many people as I could. She taught me to expect more out of people, to love with a HUGE heart, to comfort people with simply a hug and fingers through the hair, as well as tears. She is a huge reason why I do what I do and why I am so passionate about music therapy and special needs. It's why I get upset when I see someone making fun of or taking advantage of a special needs person. It's why I get mad when I see people not wanting to push them just a little bit further when I know that they are capable of achieving things far beyond our imaginations. It's why I teach music lessons to children with autism, down syndrome, etc....because they can do it if you have just a little bit of patience and can adapt lessons to fit their individual skills. It's why I'm thrilled to see them join a choir and it's why I push so hard for music therapy in schools and why I'm willing to fight with the parents at the IEP meetings.

I miss Shannon so much. She would have loved Blake and I know that as he grows, he will know all about her. I wish that she was here to hold him and to talk to him. She would have been such a good babysitter because of her love for children. I think about her all the time and yes, I even talk to her. I know she may not hear, but it makes me feel like I'm having a conversation with her. I miss talking to her and in a way, Bethany reminds me of her. I'm glad that she's there for me to text to and to walk through her teenage years with.

This time last year I was experiencing such a terrible heartache, but yet a wonderful peace. Saying goodbye to her was by far the hardest thing I had done and if you would have asked me how I would make it through a year without her, I would be clueless. All I can say is that God has placed parts of her everywhere I look. Sometimes it makes me cry, sometimes it makes me laugh, and sometimes it makes me talk to the open air. Sometimes I have to talk to Aunt Patricia and Uncle Ray and sometimes I need to journal. However, I feel so blessed that she was such a huge part of my life and I feel so blessed to have been a part of her family. God used her greatly in those 17 years and you know what? He's using her life still! He's not done with her, yet, which gives me such great hope. I love you Aunt Patricia, Uncle Ray, Bethany, David, and Anna. God is using you and your loss in such a powerful way. Thank you for letting me be a part of your life and for giving me the opportunity to know Shannon they way you did. It means the world to me.

3 months old...no way!

Blake has passed the 3 month mark. He's actually 14 weeks, but I'm having trouble keeping up with the weeks now so I've resorted to months. Raun put him in his Bumbo yesterday and he sat up in it for a few minutes. I was very happy, but sad at the same time. Even Raun said it was a bit sad...but of course, he didn't cry:) I finally ordered pictures to fill my frames from the birth. Looking back was weird because I couldn't remember him looking like that or being so small. I wish there was a way to capture all of those moments and freeze them. Here's a picture of what he looked like as a newborn and then now at 3 months. It goes by too fast! I barely remember being pregnant and going through the labor and delivery. I can't imagine my life without him, though.

1 week

3 months

Raun went on his annual golf trip with the boys this past week, so Blake and I spent a few days with Mom and Dad. Blake did great with the time change. I stayed on Eastern Time, which helped and so he slept through the night every time, except for one night when he woke up a little stuffy. I woke up my mom to make sure I wasn't missing anything when it came to treating this cold and it turns out I was doing all I could do. It made me feel good to know that I knew what to do. At least at this moment in his life:) Blake and I both got sick while I was there. I was supposed to go shopping with Nessa on Saturday, but because I was sick I opted to stay home so Mom and Dad could watch Blake while I rested a bit. It was one of my only chances to get well, so I decided that would be best. Nessa was so understanding, but Ness...next time, we're going shopping!

We got a 5 generation picture while I was there. It didn't dawn on me until Raun was showing someone a picture of Mama (my great-grandma) and Blake and said that was 5 generations. That was when I decided I needed a 5 generation picture because how many people can say that their great-great-grandmother was alive and held them when they were born. I thought it was awfully special, so Mom invited them all over for dinner on Sunday.

Here's some pictures from the week.

Welcome, Mastitis!

Well...I have mastitis. I had been feeling a bit sore this week, and I had a feeling it was this, but I hoped it wasn't. I had a pap smear scheduled for today, so I figured I'd wait and ask the doctor. Well, last night I was freezing and shaking and Raun said I was hot...even though I felt really cold and then really hot. He said I had a fever and it was confirmed today when I was the only person wearing a t-shirt in this weather and I wasn't even cold! In fact, I was hot! Anyway, so Blake slept through the night, but poor Raun didn't because I had a migrane that felt like my head was about to explode and he had to take care of me. The doctor only had to take one look and confirmed my fears...an infection that was mastitis. She started me on some antibiotics for a week and said that it should start feeling a bit better in 2 days. Then the sad part: I wasn't supposed to see her again for a year. A whole year! She had been such an integral part of my life for the past 9 months and to go a year without seeing her? She said I wasn't the only person who had said that they would miss her:) She was just so wonderful to me and I feel very comfortable with her. There really is a bond between the OB-GYN and the mom once you deliver a baby. It's like going through that process draws you into a relationship! Anyway, enough about my doctor.

Blake is doing well. We're battling congestion with him. We've had to put out the humidifer, clean out his nose, and put in some nose saline for him. He is still smiling and giggling, so he doesn't feel too bad. It just sounds awful. He is much more alert and loves to look at people now. He is still sleeping though the night and last night we got almost 9 hours of sleep. I can get used to that! He giggles a lot more and is becoming more verbal. When you look at him and smile, he smiles back with this big grin, exposing that cute dimple of his that he got from his daddy.

I'll try to post some pictures tonight or tomorrow for all to see. Got to go teach some lessons now..and pick up my meds.

Happy Halloween!

Blake celebrated his first Halloween dressed as a penguin. However, you can't really go trick-or-treating as a newborn, so he got all dressed up for the Pumpkin Patch at our church. He looked so cute! Above are some pictures of him dressed in his outfit.

We spent the week before last at Raun's aunt's house for their Halloween party and to celebrate his his aunt's birthday. I got to eat my first chili of the season and it was good!

I went to Manchester last Saturday and got to spend most of the day with Jen and Nessa. We had such a good visit. It was really nice to see them, rub Jen's belly (because her little boy is in it, not because I'm weird), and to laugh a lot! We went to Tullahoma and painted pottery and I must say that our plates were pretty nice.

That was our week in a nutshell! Enjoy the pictures and I'll write more next week:)