Where My Heart Is

Words cannot really capture the feelings I have had in my heart the past couple of days. I've talked a lot about the sick babies that I know or their blogs that I have read. There is one in particular...the one with the picture on the side of my blog, name Stellan. You can either click on the picture or click here to go to their blog. Their baby is facing heart failure. 4 months of age, never supposed to live, and God worked a miracle. I find myself wondering why I had a healthy pregnancy, why I have a healthy baby (so far), and why I'm not going through what they have. Not that I want that, mind you. It's just that I've been so thankful this week that even though my family is sick, they don't have any of these illnesses or diseases or problems that so many people face. I think that is what has helped me have patience this week with my boys, despite the fact that I'm exhausted. I pray that I never have to go through any of these things. I can't imagine the pain a mother feels while watching their child suffer and having to demand for things to be done to their child. I can't even look at the pictures on Stellan's blog because he looks so peaceful and I can see Blake in him. Not that he's a look alike or anything...I just see my baby. I think God is really pressing on me the desire I have always had...to work with terminally patients. I'm a little fearful because now that I have Blake I wonder how paranoid it will make me. However, on the flip side, it will also make me more grateful and thankful. I know God's moving in my heart and is working on something, but I'm also not in the place to pursue it, yet. At least I don't think so. However, if God says go, then I must go. I would love to work with the hospice here but target specifically on children. Not that adults aren't worth it, too. It's just that's not my passion. God's shaped my heart since Shannon and my passion and desire is definitely children, terminally ill, and disabled. Please pray for me to know what God wants to do and when He wants me to do it. I don't want to miss a wonderful opportunity.

Must go...got a crying baby that just woke up from a nap! By the way, Raun now has bronchitis on top of the sinus infection.

My sick family

This week has definitely been one long week! However, it has been precious time, as well. We had a great weekend beginning on Friday with helping a friend move into their new house. We made fun of Raun because all of the other guys were carrying in huge furniture and Raun was carrying in the training potties, plastic shelves, etc. Apparently Kevin kept giving him the light stuff. Nice work, Kevin! Saturday was spent with Raun and his dad going to Bristol for the NASCAR race. Blake and I stayed home and I was actually very productive in cleaning the house (however, you would never know it had ever been cleaned if you walk into my house today). Raun had been called in to work for most of Friday night and only got about 2-3 hours of sleep before he left Saturday. I told him that I hoped he slept because he was going to get sick. Sure enough, he came home not feeling well. We were both glad that he went with his Dad, though, because it's something that they get to do together and they both enjoy it. I can't wait for those two to be able to Blake with them...but not until he's older! Anyway, Raun and I had been wanting to go to the driving range and since it was a beautiful day outside on Sunday, we asked his parents if they would watch Blake for about 2 hours so we could go play a par 3 course and go to the range. Raun and I had so much fun. I actually hit the ball! I have no idea what the number on the clubs mean, but I know that you use the putter on the green. My favorite club is the driver because I have less chance of missing the ball. My big problem is not hitting the ball like I do in softball. Apparently, you don't step, which is hard to not do.

Going back to Saturday. I had left Blake alone for just a few minutes, since he doesn't crawl, and came back into the living room seeing him with a blue highlighter in his hand. I quickly take it away and notice that his mouth is blue, his tongue is blue, and his hands are blue. I've disappointed everyone because I didn't take a picture. However, in hindsight, I would have. But at the moment, I was trying to think of what highlighter ink could possibly be made of and if any of it was poisonous. Interestingly, it all wipes off with one swipe of a wet paper towel.

This brings us to Monday. Raun was sick Monday and Tuesday (well, he's still sick) so he took those two days off to rest, which was nice. I enjoyed having him around. Blake spent those two days screaming and crying and not wanting to be held by anyone but me. I was afraid that Blake had an ear infection again because he would cry when you laid him down. So I took him to the doctor yesterday. Turns out, he has a virus that should probably last about 48 hours and he is apparently cutting more than one tooth at once...which could come in a couple of days the Dr. said. The doctor smiled at me and said, "Hang in there, mom!" as he left after the nurse had pricked Blake's finger which left him screaming. Sheesh! So we've been at home all week and I'm working on my patience. Raun's mom came over for a few hours last night to give me a little break, which was much needed. I never thought I'd enjoy cleaning so much!

Raun woke up this morning with his ear hurting, so he has a doctor's appointment tomorrow. He thinks he has a sinus infection and an ear infection. As for me? Nothing, yet. Just very, very sleepy because of my two boys who can't sleep through the night. Even Suzzy and Ellie stay in bed long after we get up. They even cry when Blake cries!

Needless to say, I'm looking forward to my parents coming to babysit for us Saturday night so Raun and I can go to a concert. My Valentine's Day present was to see Michael W. Smith and Steven Curtis Chapman in concert...two of my favorite Christian artists.

I've been consignment sale shopping lately and I love it. I feel like I have been indicted into motherhood! I bought a whole sack full of clothes from 6-12 months for under $100. Amazing! I have one more to go to this week, so I'm really excited about that.

That's it for now. Blake's finally asleep so I'm going to go clean or do something more productive than this!

The rest of the wedding weekend in pictures

Why won't my horn stop blowing?

I had hoped that someone would do this John's car. Raun was going to, but decided not to because he didn't want John to be mad at him. Thankfully, though, some of the groomsmen did. Awesome job, boys!

Wedding pictures-part 2

John Paul (2 months)

Catharina, the coolest German girl ever! Thanks for my chocolate:)

The boys responsible for John's car.

Ashley doing her cool moves with little John Paul!

Mrs. Pat, Eli (9 months), Traci, Blake (7 months), Mandi, and Turner (almost 6 months)

Megan, Blake, Mandi and Turner

Raun was wearing David out before the wedding. He kept raising the incline and the speed!