Monday, September 14, 2009
A little help, please!
We have hit the tantrum stage. I thought it was supposed to hit at age 2, but that is apparently not the case with us. Thank to my parents and all of my mommy's that I used to babysit their kids, I have learned the importance of consistency and discipline. However, I'm not for sure what to do 1)when they throw them in public and 2)at this age. We do believe in spanking and time outs. I know lots of people don't believe in spanking, but we feel that we are not abusing our child and it's not a bad thing. We never do it out of anger and we never spank him more than once or twice at a time. I'm sure I'll hear about how horrible of a person I am for admitting this, which is why I normally never mention it because I don't want to start any arguments. When we're home, I've started dragging out a blanket and letting him sit on it until he stops throwing a fit. Once he stops, he's allowed to get off of it. This is just what works for our family and it worked for Raun and I growing up. With that said, can anyone recommend any good books to read on disciplining at this age (even if it's creative disciplines) and/or any tips that you've learned along the way as a mommy yourself? Please leave me comments!!!
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9 comments:
Spank away!
Like I've told my kids lately, God tells us that a parent who loves their child will spank them and that they are not going to die from it. I wouldn't limit myself to two licks though--I sure wouldn't let the child know there's a limit. The public part is a hard thing to deal with. Your child has to know that you mean what you say and that some behavior is not acceptable. I recommend getting a van with dark windows (that's what we have) so we can go out and spank in the van and return to the public situation. But you do have to nip it in the bud. Never give in to the tantrum. If you one time "give in" to get them to quit, they will know that it might work and it's worth trying again. Welcome to parenting. It never gets easier---at least not the first nine years. That's all I have experienced.
Love you, Megan!
I totally agree with everything Bekah said! I don't have as much mommy experience as she does and, fortunately, my child isn't really prone to tantrums thus far, but I hear the book and Bible study Creative Correction are great. I'm not sure if it deals with toddler antics, but it might be worth checking out & you can always keep it for later. I agree that it's difficult to always administer effective discipline when in public places, but I have spanked Taylor in a public bathroom on more than one ocassion. Of course, I made sure no one else was in there when I did it. She's also getting old enough to understand that if she doesn't behave she'll be getting a spanking when we get home. Blake's probably too young for that concept though. I know people who take their kids out to their vehcile to spank like Bekah mentioned, but, until last week, we had a small car so that option didn't work for us. I read in BabyWise or ToddlerWise...I don't remember which though...about some discipline techniques that I've tried and seem to work pretty well: One is to firmly squeeze their arm or hand and make eye contact while you're telling them to stop. The other is to make them fold their hands in their lap while they calm down then when they're calm they can move their hands again. Both of these worked on Taylor even when she was Blake's age if I'm remembering correctly. You are a good mommy for wanting to do the best for your child even though sometimes it seems like it'd be easier to just ignore it and let them get away with it!
I think you're right on Megan! I don't have much mommy experience and have similar questions to yours. We haven't spanked Hadley yet because other methods have been effective thus far, but we're not opposed to it.
These public suggestions seemed good. Hadley hasn't really thrown a fit in public yet (wooohoo!), but when she does get upset she says "Ow!" instead of a more appropriate word. Of course I get embarrassed. People probably think I'm hurting her when I'm not even touching her! Silly kiddo. We're working on that one!
Let me know what you find that works. Every kids is different, so new ideas are always welcomed.
We do spankings and time out too...but we also give choices. That might be for later down the road, but the logic of the idea is that if you give your child choices (you control of course) such as would you like this or that then when it is time for you to make the choice such as "it's bedtime!" you can explain that they've had choices and now it's mommy's. We don't do it all of the time. But I find that giving choices instead of "what do you want?" is a lot more saner. we also say when we put her in time out that when she's finished and ready to obey, be nice, be sweet, whatever, then she can get up. It gives her a little bit to think about what's going on, I think. The book about it is called Love and Logic. It's more geared toward preschoolers, but it's a great start! They use it at montessori and some parents have become quite creative! One mom had a daughter that wouldn't help unload groceries because "she didn't buy them" so when dinner came around the girl had to do chores before eating to "pay for her meal". A couple of those rounds and the next time they brought groceries home, she helped! For what it's worth...!
Beka, I must tell you that you pop into my head everytime I feel like I'm too tired to tell him "no" one more time. I keep remembering your saying about not letting him become a bad person! You've been my little energy boost when I need it! Are there any books that you have read and that you wished you would have read earlier?
Jennifer,
Someone else told me I need to read that book. They said that it was really good. I'm going to see if I can find it! Thanks for the suggestions!
Thanks you guys for the tips! I tried the hands in your lap thing last night and it worked!
Oh yeah, those things Tiffany said are good. I think they are from the Babywise people. It's just been so long, I have forgotten all that stuff. I need to re-read them since we'll be doing it all again soon. I really like the Laying Down the Rails book from the Simply Charlotte Mason people. It's not about discipline but rather about instilling GOOD habits. But it's one I wish I'd studied well before ever having children. Somethings you just don't "get" before you have kids though, so it might have been in vain.
I think it's really important though to remember as a basic tenant that you (and Raun) are the parents. You are in charge. God has put you as this child's authority. You might not like to think of it like this, but Blake has a sinful nature and he needs to be led to God. Training him is a part of this. He is your mission field, your assignment from God. Take it seriously because there is an enemy who would love to destroy your precious little boy.
MUCH LOVE TO YOU, MEGAN!!!!!
Let me know if you find any of these books and what you think. Zachary is starting to get in that stage, too. I'm we are not by any means opposed to spanking, but sometimes other methods work better for the type of "issue" being had. It's hard for me because I was one of those kids that never had to be spanked. All my parents had to do was look at me with disappointment and that was all the punishment I needed because it really hurt. But it is so hard when they are just little toddlers because you can't really reason with them yet. Glad to take any advice you have!
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