Easter Reflections

Have I told you lately how much I love our church? Don't get me wrong. Our church has just as many issues as the next church, I'm sure, but that's part of the church. A bunch of imperfect people who are willing and desiring to grow closer to God that meet together to worship our Christ. Are they hypocrites? You bet! Am I one of them? Sadly, I'm sure that I am in many ways. I don't like to think of myself as that way, but I firmly believe that every human is because of our predisposition to sin. That's why it's such a victory when we make the right decisions thanks to the Lord's help. It's also why Jesus encourages us to be with others. I know I need as much encouragement in my Christian walk as the next person. I need to know someone is praying for me just like others need to know the same. I love to hear the answered prayers from people that I have been praying so hard for. I'll share more of those in a later post! They are quite exciting!

Anyway, on Sunday, the choir sang a song called "Deep, Deep Love." It talked about how deeper than the nails, deeper than the scars, is God's love for us. It's a powerful acappella song and it's absolutely beautiful. As they were singing, I just couldn't get over the fact of how much God loved me. Hypocritical, sinful, selfish ME! And he doesn't just love me. He loves me deeply. I don't think that I ever realized many things until I had B and soon this new baby. I love B so much that at times, it hurts. It's an aching love when he chooses to do wrong. It's a powerful love when he does something great. It's a hurting love when he falls and hits his head. It's so much more, though, than that. I love him more than anything. I can't imagine life without him. I can't even imagine how parents who have lost their child go on except through God's grace and His power and His love. I love him incredibly deep. However, do I love him, or you, enough to offer Him as a sacrifice for someones sins if I had to? Thankfully, I don't, but I couldn't stop thinking about it. I, in my selfishness, don't think that I could. I especially don't think I could offer him up knowing he would be beaten, spit upon, have nails driven in his hands and feet, mocked, and completely tortured. Nor could I give him up knowing he would be placed on the cross for everyone to see. No...I could not look upon the people who did this to my child with forgiveness right away. It would take years to truly forgive, I think. I couldn't possibly love the rest of the world right away with such an intense and burning love as I do for my child. I couldn't turn my back on him hurting and in pain. I don't know how Mary was able to endure this. I couldn't love all of these sinful, hypocritical, ungrateful, selfish, and ruthless people who claim to love me with the same love as I love my child. I couldn't love them enough to give them my only son as a sacrifice for their sins, which so many of them would be ungrateful for and would only reject. I couldn't. I couldn't look into the eyes of those who are ungrateful, knowing that they rejected the best thing that I could offer them, my ONLY son that is a bundle of energy and even attitude.

Take those same thoughts though that apply to me. That's what God did. That's what Mary endured. That's what Jesus did. For me. For you. And to think of the pain when we've rejected His gift or even when we are ungrateful for what He has done. He loves us so much that it hurts. Not only did God love us so much to give us His Son, but He loved us so much that He forgave us for what we did to Him on the cross BEFORE it even happened. My sin helped put Him on the cross. My selfishness helped put Him on the cross. My hypocritical nature helped put Him on the cross. His death and resurrection allows me the live with Him forever in Heaven when I die. It's our choice to make.

For some, it's just a grand story. For others, it's a life-altering journey full of hope and joy, even in the worst of times. For all of us, it is a choice to choose the gift God gave us or to reject it. I firmly believe in Heaven and hell. I firmly believe in God as my Savior and my Lord. It's not an easy journey and I know it's only going to be getting harder as His return approaches, but I pray that I can be more selfless and less hypocritical as I travel this journey. I pray that our children will be the same way and that they will one day make the choice to accept Christ as their Savior and to live for Him.

Recipe Sunday

Buffalo-Chicken Macaroni and Cheese

Active: 35 minutes

Total: 1 hour 15 minutes

Serves: 6 to 8

• 7 tablespoons unsalted butter, plus more for the dish
• Kosher salt
• 1 pound elbow macaroni
• 1 small onion, finely chopped
• 2 stalks celery, finely chopped
• 3 cups shredded rotisserie chicken
• 2 cloves garlic, minced
• 3/4 cup hot sauce (preferably Frank's)
• 2 tablespoons all-purpose flour
• 2 teaspoons dry mustard
• 2-1/2 cups half-and-half
• 1 pound yellow sharp cheddar cheese, cut into 1-inch cubes (about 3-1/2 cups)
• 2/3 cup sour cream
• 1 cup panko (Japanese breadcrumbs)
• 1/2 cup crumbled blue cheese (I left out)
• 2 tablespoons chopped fresh parsley

1. Preheat the oven to 350 degrees and butter a 9-by-13-inch baking dish. Bring a large pot of salted water to a boil; add the pasta and cook until al dente, about 7 minutes. Drain.

2. Meanwhile, melt 3 tablespoons butter in a large skillet over medium heat. Add the onion and celery and cook until soft, about 5 minutes. Stir in the chicken and garlic and cook 2 minutes, then add 1/2 cup hot sauce and simmer until slightly thickened, about 1 more minute.

3. Melt 2 tablespoons butter in a saucepan over medium heat. Stir in the flour and mustard with a wooden spoon until smooth. Whisk in the half-and-half, then add the remaining 1/4 cup hot sauce and stir until thick, about 2 minutes. Whisk in the cheddar and pepper jack cheeses, then whisk in the sour cream until smooth.

4. Spread half of the macaroni in the prepared baking dish, then top with the chicken mixture and the remaining macaroni. Pour the cheese sauce evenly on top.

5. Put the remaining 2 tablespoons butter in a medium microwave-safe bowl and microwave until melted. Stir in the panko, blue cheese and parsley. Sprinkle over the macaroni and bake until bubbly, 30 to 40 minutes. Let rest 10 minutes before serving.

(Taken from Food Network Magazine, April 2010)

25 weeks

It finally hit me this week that I am, in fact, pregnant. I know, I know. It's only taken me 25 weeks to figure that out. I mean, yes, I knew I was pregnant, but I just didn't quite feel pregnant. I have been weight lifting and exercising a lot, so maybe that's the reason for the energy bursts. Who knows! All I know is that this week, after having the stomach bug last week, I feel pregnant. My belly feels huge and heavy. It doesn't help that our little girl likes to sit on my bladder. Constantly. I'll be fine and then I suddenly MUST run to the bathroom. Poor B gets yanked out of his carseat a lot!

When I finally realized I was 25 weeks (26 on Sunday), it made me a little sad. B has shown me how fast time flies. I really do like being pregnant. I'm one of those weird ones. I love feeling her kick and move inside me. I love feeling so close to her. I also, selfishly, love not sharing her and knowing about her more than anyone else right now. I know that's quite selfish, but I'm being honest. About 3 more months is all I have left of that. I'm not ready for her to be here and to start going through all the milestones again. I'm ready to hold her, but I'm not ready for her to grow up so fast. I mean, when we look back at pictures of B, Daddy T and I seriously cannot remember him being so little. I held up some newborn diapers yesterday and couldn't believe B had ever been so small. And that was only 19 months ago! There was no way he was ever 6 pounds 6 oz. or 5 pounds 12 oz. by the time we left the hospital. I mean, that's little. I'm not ready for her to come, which is good since she still needs to stay in. I'm not so sure I'll ever be ready. I wasn't ready for B to come and that was the hardest part for me after having him. I missed him inside my belly. I missed rubbing his little bottom wherever I went or touching his little feet when I sat. Sure it can get annoying at times, but he was with me constantly and I knew he was there. If I had a problematic pregnancy, perhaps I would be ready for the end. But I don't, thank the Lord, so I just want to cherish this precious gift God has given us. I mean, theoretically, you can only feel your baby inside you at so many points in your life and for so many times. I don't want to wish that away, even when I am uncomfortable. I'll just continue to run up our water bill from all of the baths I take!

Anyway, all of that to say that we are getting closer and I know these next few months are going to fly by. If I start to complain, remind me to cherish this moment and this time in my life. When I'm exhausted, please remind me of how blessed I am because deep down, I know this. I just need my family and friends to remind me at times when I'm crabby! We already love this girl so much and pray for her daily. B likes to give her kisses and she kicks when she hears Daddy T or B's voice. She also kicks B when he sits on my belly. He thinks it's funny. I just try to breathe!

I'll end today's post with a picture of our girl at 22 weeks. It's amazing the difference between the 18 week and the 22 week one. They had to do 2 because they couldn't get her spine at 18 weeks and wanted to make sure they weren't missing anything. I know there's a controversy over ultrasounds, but we usually only get one, so I didn't mind seeing her again! She actually looked like a baby at this point and was waving her individual fingers and hitting the ultrasound wand. But there she is...on my bladder...again!

Creative Discovery Museum

We had the greatest day last Monday. One of my friends, Jill, had passes to the Discovery Museum so we met up with her and her 4 kiddos to try it out. I remember my cousins and I had gone there when we were little, but didn't remember too much about it. We have been thinking about getting passes there, but I had heard conflicting reports on whether B was too young for it or not. I figured the best way to find out was to go...especially if it was free. The verdict? B LOVED it! He was soaked by the time we left, but he had a blast. He could have stayed downstairs for hours. The upstairs was a little over his head and he's such a dare devil and wants to do what the older kids are doing, so it was hard to keep him out of the big kid stuff. I'm definitely wanting passes now! It's such a wonderful place to learn and it's all hands-on, which is what he is loving at this stage in his development.

He got to dig in the sand for dinosaur bones. Of course, he found the oldest girls that were digging and then sat right beside them so they would help him. He's already trying to attract girls at 19 months! He loved the water section, but wanted to play in the big kid one, which included examples of locks and dams. I wasn't able to really lift him for that long, so I made him stay at the toddler one where he could play with waterfalls and boats. The music section was fun for me...and for him. He played the harp for the first time and kept laughing. A lot of school kids were in the percussion room, so I didn't even let him see that one because I knew I'd never get him out of there. He could play music constantly if he was allowed to do so. His favorite thing to do at home is to go downstairs and play the piano and drums.

They have a wonderful toddler area so you don't really have to worry about following them around everywhere. It was full of stuff! However, all B cared to play in was the big red car. I tried to get him to look at other things, but he's in this car stage now (oh...and shoe stage) so nothing can compete with those.

After such a busy week this week, I'll end this post with a few belly pictures of where I am at 25 weeks. I have so many more things to say about this pregnancy, but I just don't have the time to write it down today. Perhaps in the next few days.....

First Sunny Day!

The end of February/beginning of March greeted us with the first warm day. We were thrilled to play outside after being inside most of the winter. In fact, we were so excited that we spent most of the day outside playing!

For Christmas (which I realize I have never posted pictures of), B got a tricycle from his Mama and Pop. Not only did he get his tricycle; he also got a horn for it. That lovely, delightful horn was a gift from his Nanny and Papa (his great-grandparents--who live in Florida and don't have to hear the noisy gifts they give him!). Just Kidding! He loves his horn, but he doesn't use it unless we're in his way.

At the end of summer last year, I bought some sidewalk chalk thinking it would be a fun thing to do during the days that Daddy T has to work late. Daddy T is sad to report that everything he does is left handed so far. He keeps trying to make him use his right hand...makes things a bit easier when it comes to ball gloves, bats, and all of that other sports equipment! I just think it's funny watching the interaction!

After we played at our house, we went to Nanny Ruth and Grandpa's house so we could cut the hair of one of our dogs. While we were there, we took a walk to the duck pond and the park that is in their neighborhood. B was incredibly sleepy by this point because we had missed his original naptime, but he played hard and fell asleep in the car. I think he wore all of us out because we came home and took a nap ourselves!

The Dance

For Christmas, we got B a magnetic barnyard puzzle that makes the animal noises for several of his favorite animals. He loves playing with it and putting the pieces together to make different animals and then to make the real animals. However, just this week he has started to put a dance move to this barnyard that also plays music. Daddy T grabbed the camera and caught some of it on video. I attribute some of this to Kindermusik and all of the dancing we do in there! It's hard to tell from the video, but he takes a few steps forward, a few steps backward, then forward, then usually has to run to hit the puzzle again to make the music restart.

Aquarium

We finally got our Aquarium passes that we have been meaning to get for the past year. B LOVES animals. It doesn't matter what kind of animal it is, he loves it. He gets so excited when he sees a turtle, a cow (which he looks for out the window at Pops house), horses, etc. His favorite DVDs are the Signing Time DVDs and he likes to sign all of the animals with the kids. Not all signs look like they should, but he's not at the developmental age to where he should be able to do all of the fine and gross motor skills that older children can do. For the most part, I can figure out what he's trying to sign. Hence the zoo memberships and the Aquarium memberships.

We met Daddy T downtown after work one Friday and went to the Aquarium before it closed. I'll admit, for the first time since I've been going to the Aquarium, the penguins were down-right boring. They were all sleeping, except for one that kept walking back and forth between them all. It looked like he was trying to see who wanted to jump in the water with him, but none were interested. B liked the fish and the turtles, and his favorite, the otters. It made us laugh, because he also like the shark cage. I think it's because it reminded him of his baby gate and he just kept opening and closing it. That little stinker! I'm so ready for it to warm up so we can go to all of the different zoos and then head down south to their Aquarium that's not too far from us.

Recipe Sunday...Monday...again

Pan-Grilled Pork Chops with Grilled Pineapple Salsa

Yield: 4 servings

(Except we put it on the grill and it was delicious! The salsa is my favorite and I'm making it once a week for a while. We're going to try it with the tidbits, doubling the recipe, and adding chips to it. Daddy T HATES pineapple and jalapenos, but loved this recipe for the salsa and asked me to make it more often. Oh....we put the salsa in nonstick aluminum foil on the grill, along with a little bit of olive oil.)

• 4 (4-ounce) boneless center-cut loin pork chops (about 1/2 inch thick)
• 1 tablespoon plus 2 teaspoons fresh lime juice, divided (I used a whole lime instead)
• 4 (1/2-inch-thick slices pineapple (I used the canned pinapple and cut all of it up)
• 1 medium red onion, cut into 1/2-inch-thick slices (I cubed the onion and used 1/2 of it)
• 1 tablespoon minced jalapeno pepper (I like to buy the jarred peppers)

1. Combine pork and 1 tablespoon juice; let stand 10 minutes. Heat a grill pan over medium-high heat. Coat pan with cooking spray. Add pineapple and onion; cook 4 minutes on each side or until onion is tender. Coarsely chop pineapple and onion; combine in a medium bowl with remaining 2 teaspoons lime juice; jalapeno, and 1/8 teaspoon salt. Sprinkle pork with 1/2 teaspoon salt and 1/4 teaspoon freshly ground black pepper. Heat grill pan over medium-high heat. Coat pan with cooking spray. Add pork; cook 4 minutes on each side or until done.

Calories: 225; Fat: 7g; Protein: 26.4g; Fiber 1.4g; Chol 70mg; Iron 1 mg; Sodium 416mg; Calc 42mg

Recipe by Maureen Callahan (taken out of the Cooking Light Magazine, March 2010)

Busy, busy, busy

What a week! We've had the stomach virus going through out house, as well as the cold that I originally had 2 weeks ago. Daddy T FINALLY caught that one. B and I have had the stomach virus, but we're hoping we're ending it. Our pediatrician said that it has been lasting for about 2 weeks in the kiddos that are B's age. Pleasant! At his 18-month checkup this week, though, he weighed 24 pounds 12 ounces and was 32-1/2 inches tall. He's still low in his weight, but the boy never sits down. The doctor isn't worried because she sees how active he is. He's signing well and talking more, although he's picky who he talks in front of. Daddy T and I have noticed that he is talks A LOT more when we're at home. He loves to read and clean. Yes, I said clean. If he sees something that isn't picked up, he puts it up for me. If I need his shoes, he goes and gets them. One day I told him that I needed my shoes. He got mine and then went to his sock drawer and got me two of his mismatched socks. It was so sweet and thoughtful! He is quite the little helper. It's amazing how much changes at 18 months. It's like something clicks right then and they get more and understand more. Of course, there's also more independence. He likes to do more things by himself, like putting on his pants, feeding himself, etc.

While I'm on the topic of B, I HAVE to brag about this latest happening. We went to the country to visit my parents last weekend and after the first night of him in the pack-n-play and waking up, I decided he had outgrown it. I asked my mom if we could blow up her air mattress. I was a little afraid that he'd be up and down and moving at odd times of the night, but I wanted to risk it. Of course, the grandparents had worn him out enough so he was exhausted! Anyway, my mom laid with him to fall asleep and the boy stayed on that bed until 8:00 the next morning when we woke up. He even asked permission to get out of bed, despite the fact that this new bed didn't have sides or anything to contain him in. I was so excited! I think we're going to keep doing that when we go there so that way when we transition him to his toddler bed around 2, then maybe, just maybe, he'll stay in it with no problems since it won't be a new thing. I was so proud of him and a little shocked!

Since I'm on the topic of our babies, our little girl is doing good so far. I haven't gained any weight yet and I'm at 22 weeks. That has thrilled me! I've been exercising A LOT and trying to eat nice and healthy. I'm glad for spring temperatures because I get a great workout walking our neighborhood, pushing the stroller and two dogs while going uphill and downhill constantly. Her heartbeat was at 150 bpm yesterday and when they did another ultrasound to make sure her spine didn't show spina bifida or any other spinal defects or heart defects, it looked great. They couldn't tell from the first time, so this time there was no question that so far all is healthy. I'm always worried about heart defects, just because of my cousin and because of how common they are. She is quite the mover and is now getting strong enough for me to really feel. She likes to keep her head on my bladder, which isn't really all that comfortable, if you can imagine. I'm weird, I think, because I actually LIKE being pregnant. Sure I hate the first trimester, but there is absolutely nothing like feeling your child moving inside you and knowing that you are taking care of it when no one else can. This is the closest I will be to my child and I always dread it coming to an end and having to share her with everyone. I mean, right now, she's REALLY convenient!

On the therapy front, I gave a CMTE course last Saturday at our music therapy CMTE workshop. It was creating a private practice in music therapy and it went really well. My parents kept B for the day and from what I hear, they had a good time. Pops set up the hay so B could slide down it and then he got to go see the cows. He apparently even grabbed Pops hand to make him take him to the tractor. As Pops was walking back in, B kept running off towards the fence because he just wanted to go back out there one more time. Mom took lots of pictures and it looks like they stayed busy with him.

Saturday also marked another big birthday. It was Shannon's birthday. She would have been 20. 20 YEARS OLD! That is not possible in any way, shape, or form. I keep meaning to dig out the albums when I go back to the country so I can scan some pictures of her as a baby and growing up. One day I'm actually going to remember to do it! I thought about her all day long and of my aunt and uncle and their family as they had to celebrate another birthday without her. I imagine that it probably never gets easier. To me, it's always her birthday. It will always be the day Aunt P gave birth to her first baby and it'll always be the day that they (as well as all of us) learned that you're not guaranteed to live past any day. One day, I'm going to make Aunt P write her story down so I can share it with you. Aunt P....if you're reading this, you better start writing! Even if it's in sections. I think it's a wonderful testimony and even greater knowing that God's still using her life and legacy. So.....HAPPY 20TH BIRTHDAY SHANNON!!!!

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