A year ago today...

What was I doing a year ago today? Saying goodbye to one of my best friends and a wonderful cousin. Shannon was only 17, but in those 17 years she taught me more about myself, compassion, and a love for life that only she could have taught. She taught me to see special needs children as real people, to not be afraid of medical equipment, to overcome any obstacle, and to strive to help as many people as I could. She taught me to expect more out of people, to love with a HUGE heart, to comfort people with simply a hug and fingers through the hair, as well as tears. She is a huge reason why I do what I do and why I am so passionate about music therapy and special needs. It's why I get upset when I see someone making fun of or taking advantage of a special needs person. It's why I get mad when I see people not wanting to push them just a little bit further when I know that they are capable of achieving things far beyond our imaginations. It's why I teach music lessons to children with autism, down syndrome, etc....because they can do it if you have just a little bit of patience and can adapt lessons to fit their individual skills. It's why I'm thrilled to see them join a choir and it's why I push so hard for music therapy in schools and why I'm willing to fight with the parents at the IEP meetings.

I miss Shannon so much. She would have loved Blake and I know that as he grows, he will know all about her. I wish that she was here to hold him and to talk to him. She would have been such a good babysitter because of her love for children. I think about her all the time and yes, I even talk to her. I know she may not hear, but it makes me feel like I'm having a conversation with her. I miss talking to her and in a way, Bethany reminds me of her. I'm glad that she's there for me to text to and to walk through her teenage years with.

This time last year I was experiencing such a terrible heartache, but yet a wonderful peace. Saying goodbye to her was by far the hardest thing I had done and if you would have asked me how I would make it through a year without her, I would be clueless. All I can say is that God has placed parts of her everywhere I look. Sometimes it makes me cry, sometimes it makes me laugh, and sometimes it makes me talk to the open air. Sometimes I have to talk to Aunt Patricia and Uncle Ray and sometimes I need to journal. However, I feel so blessed that she was such a huge part of my life and I feel so blessed to have been a part of her family. God used her greatly in those 17 years and you know what? He's using her life still! He's not done with her, yet, which gives me such great hope. I love you Aunt Patricia, Uncle Ray, Bethany, David, and Anna. God is using you and your loss in such a powerful way. Thank you for letting me be a part of your life and for giving me the opportunity to know Shannon they way you did. It means the world to me.