2 years ago

Where was I 2 years ago, which was also the day before Thanksgiving? I was unknowingly getting ready to tell my cousin and friend, Shannon, goodbye until I see her again in heaven. I had taken Anna, David, and Beth to my house on Tuesday night so that Uncle Ray and Aunt Patricia could be at the hospital together. I had a day of fun for the other 3. We took them to the aquarium (which is still hard for me to look at those pictures because I remember all the emotion I was trying to hide and the kiddos didn't realize how their lives were about to change and neither did I). We had fun walking downtown and I think I wore them out. I then took them to Taco Bell and I do believe we ordered a TON of food. They ate every bit of, and we topped it off with Cinnamon Twists. I remember a phone call from Raun asking me where I was. What I didn't know was that Raun had come home from work early because my mom had called him to tell him the news. She wanted him to break it to me since he could be there to give me hugs. To this day, Raun says that was the hardest thing that he has ever had to tell me because he knew I would be crushed. I came home and was suprised to see Raun home early. I figured we'd leave to go to M-town early since it was the day before Thanksgiving. Raun helped me get everyone upstairs and turned on the television for them and told me to come with him. I immediately knew something bad had happened. He told me that we needed to pack and leave right away to head to the big city where Shannon was. He said that the doctors had told my aunt and uncle earlier that there was nothing they could do and the machines were the only thing keeping her alive. They had a horrible choice to make. After much prayer, they decided to unhook her from the machines, but were going to wait until we could get there so we could say goodbye to her one final time. I lost it, but when I look back, I am proud at how well I hid my intense emotions from the kiddos. My heart was breaking for them and it was breaking because I was a few hours too late on Sunday to hear her voice. I was supposed to stay with her at the hospital and she was looking forward to it. However, a few hours before I got there, she went downhill fast and was hooked up to everything. That is the worst part to me, because I wasn't there. I did go see her Monday, though, and I know she heard me when I told her "I love you" because her eyelids flickered. I even sang to her in hopes that it would calm her and her rates would start to move until I stopped. So, I'm sidetracking a bit. It's hard to write this post without sidetracking because I remember it so vividly. Anyway, we got to the big city and the child life director along with Aunt Patricia and Uncle Ray met us at the door and took the kiddos to explain to them what was happening to their sister. Beth got it completely, Anna got it some, and David didn't really understand. Daddy T and I went upstairs and that's when I let the tears flow freely. When we got off the elevator, my mom took me in to see her. She was so peaceful, and I couldn't imagine what life would be like without her smiles, hugs, massages, kisses, and all of the joy that she brought to our lives. She was a walking miracle and a testament that God can and still does work miracles. She was such a huge witness for Christ. Who cares that she looked different, was on oxygen, looked a little blue in fingers, and wasn't as tall as most kids. She was beautiful and that red hair attitude gave her more umph, which was good and bad at times! We left the room to go to the family room where Bob, Betty, Mom, Dad, Daddy T, the kiddos, Aunt Patricia's brother and wife, and myself were waiting. Aunt Patricia came in and said that we could go in to tell her goodbye because they would be the last ones to go in. We all sat around waiting, knowing it would only be a few minutes before her heart stopped. I texted my friends begging them to pray for us and for her. My brother was heartbroken that he didn't make it in time since he was working in Atlanta at the time. Uncle Ray came out at some point and Dad went to stand with him and to try to comfort him. Of course, it broke Dad's heart to see his brother in pain and he couldn't imagine losing a child. Aunt Patricia came in and said "she's gone." She was holding her in her lap like she did when she was born. She said she went very peacefully and she just sang to her. I will never forget her saying that to me. My heart broke for them losing a child and sister. I went in with Uncle Ray afterwards and it was really weird to see her there, not hooked up to oxygen or anything. I miss her.

So why share this story? Because I will always remember her with Thanksgiving. It was also the time that God gave us B. Aunt Patricia was so glad that God had given us a baby after He had taken one to heaven. Not only that, but I don't ever want to forget her or her story or her legacy. I know I write about her often and dedicate whole posts to her on the anniversary of her going to Heaven and on her birthday so who knows how much I have repeated myself. I have hopes of printing out this blog so B and all of our other children can one day read it and I want this story in there so they can know her and understand what we did 2 years ago today. And why B's birth was so incredibly special to me. Shannon would have loved him.

I end this post with a song by Mark Harris that was played at her funeral. The first time I heard it, I knew I wanted it played at mine. I had no idea I would be asking if we could play it at Shannon's. I think it puts death in the perfect perspective....from Heaven.

Wish You Were Here by Mark Harris

I wanted to tell you how closely I've kept
The memories of you in my heart
And all of the lifetimes that we had to share
Live even though we're apart
But don't cry for me
'Cause I'm finally free

To run with the angels
On streets made of gold
To listen to stories of saints new and old
To worship our Maker
That's where I'll be
When you finally find me

No don't you be weary cause waiting for you
Are wonders that you've never known
Just hold on to Jesus, reach out for his hands
And one day They'll welcome you home
And that's when you'll be
Finally free
Finally free

To run with the angels
On streets made of gold
To listen to stories of saints new and old
To worship our Maker
That's where I'll be
When you finally find me

I wish you were here, I wish you were here

And all of the dreams that you treasure
Will soon come together
And that's when your sorrow will find tomorrow
And you will rise again

We'll run with the angels on streets made of gold
We'll listen to stories of saints new and old
We'll worship our maker that's where we'll be
When you finally find me

I wish you were here



Shannon,
I love you so much. Life is definitely not the same without you here. You gave the best massages and the best hugs and backrubs. I miss you playing with my hair and yes....that one time you decided to be adventurous and cut my hair! But you know what? I'm looking forward to seeing you when God calls me home. Until then, I like to think that you're up there holding our baby that we miscarried a few months before God called you home. I love you, babe!