Happy Birthday Shannon!

Dear Shannon,

Is it true that you would be 19 years old today if you were still here with us? I know that you would constantly be calling to remind me that I'm getting old and that I'll be "almost 30" very soon. And how would you be calling me? Would it be from your home phone? Nope. It would be from your cell phone. And Raun would kill me from all the texts that you and your sister would send me combined. But you know what? I wouldn't care! I'd text in secret to you two girls if I needed to.

I miss you so much. I know that we were so blessed to have you for more than 17 years, but for some reason, it doesn't seem like it was enough. I know I'm selfish...I wanted more. I wanted to be there to watch you grab your diploma. I wanted to see your pictures when you got back from your trip to New York. I wanted to watch you meet Blake for the first time and babysit him for the first time. I know that you're in a much better place and all of your pain is gone, but I do miss your laughs and hearing you fight over the remote with your sister by sitting on her. I even miss you running your hands through my hair and your WONDERFUL back rubs. They were the best.

Your sister wrote the most beautiful essay about you and how you influenced her life. I cried because everything she said was true and I know she misses you so much. Thank you, girl, for teaching me how to not be scared around children with special needs. Thank you for teaching me not to be scared of terminally-ill children. Thank you for telling me how you got scared, but how you faced all of your fears. I will never forget one of the times that you had a surgery and you told me how scared you were and that you were afraid that you would die. I remember you hugging me after that and I had tears in my eyes because I was afraid, too, but I didn't want you to see that. Once I let go of you, I grabbed one of my stuffed animals for you to take the hospital with you to help comfort you. I will never forget that memory. I relate to so many people because of all that you talked to me about.

I often walk past my kitchen and stare at your picture. Sometimes it's easier to pretend that you are still at home, watching television or driving your brothers and sisters crazy! Or giving your parents that teenage attitude:) It doesn't seem right that that's not where you are. I can't wait to see you one day. I used to be scared of dying, but after watching you, I know that it'll be okay. If you can do it and not be scared, so can I. Thanks for that last act of courage. I love you and have already started showing Blake pictures of you and telling him stories of you. He's going to grow up knowing you as much as he can. You would have loved him.

Happy 19th Birthday, sweet girl. It will always be your birthday and I will always remember it. Man...I'm getting old. Thanks for reminding me, Shannon!

Love,
Your Sister:)